So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
