I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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