good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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