One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Watching her eat just hurts me
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
