just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
