My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
