This girl is more easily done than said...
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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