Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?