You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.