There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from