im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".