Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
