I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
