it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
