my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize