she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Last time i carry you out of a forest
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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