well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
