My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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