well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
