He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
