sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
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I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
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to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize