I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
