Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
