I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
