I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
