I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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