I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
