Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
