...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
