I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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