the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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