I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
