u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
