I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize