My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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