good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
