im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Randomize
