are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
