so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
