when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
