She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just want to make out with him forever
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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