If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
