sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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