Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
