worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
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dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
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Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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