You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
