I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
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I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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