is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
