if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
