Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
