my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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