I'm really into asian looking animals
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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