its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
