fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
