Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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