Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
