You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Sext me about skeletons
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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