I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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