did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
