i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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