At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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