Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
