tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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