I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
