I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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