areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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