Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
