Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
