it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
