Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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