drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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