My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
