a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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