chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
