Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
