it was like his penis was on wheels.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
