As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
wow bdsm is so cute
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
