You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
