I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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