we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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