just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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