READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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