I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Please, let me fuck your mom
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
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I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Why can't burritos get me drunk
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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