Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
