I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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